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Since you're reading this, someone must have got to me and I'm taking that long dirt nap. In all honesty I had a hunch it would happen eventually. Considering my line of work, 49 (note to self - keep this number accurate) is a damn good age to get to.
 
On that note, you probably know thanks to the will I also kept in the journal that I lied to you about my kids. Let me just say I'm sorry. It's not that I don't trust you guys. I do, or at least you and Shayla anyway. Qau I trust to have my back in a brawl but we don't seem to agree on much else and I don't think Syx could give a fuck if she worked in a brothel. I did it to protect them from anyone else who was listening. Not to sound like I'm tarring you with the same brush as them but thieves generally aren't the most trustworthy and if even one person told Hayk about them then I would also lose the two people I care about most. I know you will understand. If you ever see them, tell them that I'm sorry that I couldn't have been there more, but let them know that everything I did for that monster I did to protect them.
 
I also want to come clean that I lied about knowing where Nena was. The truth is I don't, at least not exactly. The last time I saw her was the day my wife was killed. She was on the farm, getting ready to move on to whatever it is she was going to do with her new freedom. She still writes to Garettar and Ryesheba but I refuse to hear where she is, I don't want to put her in any more danger. Giving you false hope was not my intention, although admittedly part of it was to save myself from you siccing Qau on me. However I was not lying when I said I knew she was alive. I hope you can at least take comfort in knowing that she is alive and that she is safe, even if you don't get the opportunity to see her again.

I am truly glad I met you Ash. You reminded me so much of myself when I was younger - directionless, angry, scared, but trying to hide it all behind that bravado and machismo. I can tell that you were broken by your experiences, and I truly feel for you. But sometimes the strongest things are those that have been broken first. And you, with everything you've been through and endured, are one of the strongest people I've ever met. I hope you find the love, happiness and peace that you are searching for.
 
You are not what the world has made you. You are not your brother, your mother, Hayk, anyone. You are you. And you are a good person. Never forget that.
 
Your friend, always