Throughout history, some people have had things and other people have wanted those things. But where most would gaze upon that arrangement and see an inescapable life of unfulfillment, Ominifis Hereward “Omin” Dran saw a business opportunity. Thus was Acquisitions Incorporated born. In the years since, Omin and longtime employee (though less-longtime friend) James Winifred “Jim” Darkmagic III have turned a talent for redistribution of property into a reputation as the multiverse’s premier adventurers for hire.
Omin Dran, CEO of Acquisitions Incorporated and war priest of Tymora, is the very model of the modern Faerûn business mien. He prioritizes his responsibilities first to his shareholders (which is to say, himself); second to his goddess; and then at some later stage to the well-being of his employees. It’s definitely not third. But it’s up there somewhere.
Jim Darkmagic III comes from a long line of renowned wizards, but he turned his back on his family and his inheritance for a life on the stage — at least until well-paid heroics came calling. Jim and Omin’s unlikely partnership began when Jim was the only surviving candidate in the running for a hotly contested position with the company. (Any deaths incurred in this process were incidental, and not the result of the actions or negligence of Acq Inc.)
How It Started
Acquisitions Incorporated began as most adventuring groups do, with the wholesale removal of irksome kobolds, scouting ruined towers, delving into dwarven necropolis-cities, and abandoning wounded goblin hirelings named Splug to a terrible fate. The usual stuff. But in short order, Acq Inc traded kobolds for dragons, and upgraded ruined towers to eldritch temples. As the company grew, so too did its demand for willing and able-bodied adventurers. However, a limited payroll meant having to settle for one or the other.
After coming to the conclusion that a mission statement best described as “minion harvesting” sent the wrong message, Acquisitions Incorporated started an internship program. In accordance with the truism “you get what you pay for,” the very first Acq Inc intern died on his second assignment with the company. But like all good leaders, Omin Dran understood that truisms cut two ways, and he led the remaining team on a legendary trek through the Nine Hells to recover the soul of said intern. (Clearly, none of those hells paid for him either.)
The rogue Viari is one of Acquisitions Incorporated’s best internship success stories. In fact, he was so successful that he remained the company’s flagship intern for nearly a decade. He first joined Acquisitions Incorporated during an expedition into the Undermountain dungeons of Halaster Blackcloak (who, due to an ongoing defamation suit, we can no longer refer to as “the Mad Mage”). From regrowing his own arm after an unfortunate incident with the Apocalypse Dagger, to wrangling dinosaurs to win street races, Viari has earned something far more valuable than a regular salary with Acq Inc. He’s earned on-the-job experience.
Aggressive Expansion
Thanks to the company’s continuing success and robust internship program, Acquisitions Incorporated has long since outgrown garden-variety slaughter and disregard for public well-being. Môrgæn, an elf ranger from the Elsewynn, joined the team as a troubleshooter some time ago, and quickly showed that her propensity for slaughter and disregard for the public well-being is far beyond garden variety.
Môrgæn’s recruitment coincided with Acquisitions Incorporated acquiring its first airship. Diviners have theorized that this was no coincidence, but the combined psychic will of all mortal creatures to put as much distance between them and the ranger as possible. More practical minds see the folly in this, since the airship simply gave Môrgæn a better vantage point.
Beyond the core Acquisitions Incorporated crew, Omin Dran has overseen regular strategic expansion of the Acq Inc brand. The “C” Team, the “B” team, and numerous other franchise operations have been established, flying the Acq Inc flag, bearing the Acq Inc sigil, and — most crucially — paying a cut of the profits into company coffers on a monthly basis.
The Adventuring Biz
In the years between its founding and today, Acquisitions Incorporated has pried deep into the underbelly of Waterdeep, commandeered battle balloons above the jungles of Chult, faced down mechanical beholders, and robbed a bank operated by devils. The team has also rubbed shoulders with some of the most notorious figures in the Forgotten Realms, including bumping into Drizzt Do’Urden while journeying through the Underdark.
When Jim Darkmagic became afflicted with the Death Curse, there was no definitive proof that this was a direct result of his employment with Acquisitions Incorporated, or had been incurred while on assignment. However, as Omin had already made his stance on the subject of death and termination of employment contracts very clear, he sought to break the curse. Dabbling in some light cloning and contracting the help of a trash witch, the team managed to restore Jim to peak productivity. Never one to waste company resources, Omin also traded Jim’s clone to a devil. It seemed prudent at the time.
However, nothing in Acquisitions Incorporated’s storied history encapsulates the company’s efficacy better than the recovery of Omin’s sister, Auspicia Dran, from the Wandering Crypt. The specifics of her initial capture by that dread creature remain shrouded in mystery. Some say it was inspired by the evil actions of Omin’s other sister, Portentia. Some also speculate that as the sole shareholder of Acq Inc, Omin founded the company for the express purpose of rescuing his beloved sister. Acquisitions Incorporated will not be making further statements on the matter at this time.
No Competition
The company’s mounting successes have led, of course, to imitators and rivals. The Six, counting among their number a certain left-for-dead goblin now named Splugoth the Returned, have been a persistent splinter in the Acq Inc corporate paw for ages. Suggesting that acquisition is a family business, Omin’s own sister Portentia now runs and serves a competing company called Dran Enterprises. Originally founded by what turned out to be a false version of Omin’s lost sister, Auspicia, Dran Enterprises has long sought to execute a hostile takeover of Acquisitions Incorporated. All such efforts have been skillfully rebuffed, of course, with Acq Inc embracing its place as an always-independent (and clearly superior) operation.
Riding its past success into a completely deliberate and planned expansion across the multiverse, Acquisitions Incorporated shows no signs of slowing down. (Because that would likely require self-reflection and measured responses that are historically off-brand.) And that expansion means new franchises. The first step was Ravnica, a city run by guilds and simply overflowing at the practicability of acquisition for hire. But beyond that? Infinite possibilities. Because wherever people want things they don’t currently have, Acquisitions Incorporated will be there, asking them to sign.