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  1. Journals

Midnight Musings

During the five days of respite. The moon shines bright as the shutters open up. A little dusting here and there happened with a few small and minor details in the room getting moved around until it is just right.

Then the cat knocks on the door, a tiefling with a feline grin and golden eyes just says a few words in a wary tone as he leaves a tray with just a pot of hot water, a tin of aromatic leaves, and a single cup on a delightfully decorative saucer sits waiting with a small silver spoon resting within it. He never changes... The spoon is heavy with a generous wad of honey.

I missed the comfort of my own room. I missed this sound of nice fragrant red liquid pouring smoothly into the bottom of the cup. I even missed the sound the spoon makes when it scrapes and clangs against the bottom and sides of the porcelain. Makes it all the more worth it now that the air is getting slightly cold.

Hmmm... Tastes sweet enough. Just about right. Now all I need is a breeze... Nope. Just dilluding myself there. There is no breeze for me.

Next best thing is to stare out at the sky out the window. Maybe find a little enjoyment gazing out at the lights or the people below. These covers are indeed quite comfortable.

"What about you? Do you enjoy being out? Seeing the light for the first time in eleven years? This is our life now... Might be a few more short days before we go back to the Citadel again..."

"The light is unfamiliar to us. We were originally supposed to be ones who embodied another's shadow. The other side of a twisted coin. Though, it was nice seeing Locheid again. She has grown up a lot."

"I don't think Jeremiah knows that we know about Illya being in the upstairs room... Such a worrywart as always..."

"Seriously. We are not ignorant."

Those outside the room with the Raven Plaque can hear a laughter boisterous enough for two.

Though, with the little bit of tea still remaining, the cup is placed back upon the tray from whence it came. A soft grin and gaze comes to the face of one who had recently seen death. As she nested herself under the covers for a moment and breathed in the air and the various scents fluttering about, the voice continued.

"Were you serious about starting anew?"

"Why do you ask?"

"If we had worked for Him still, I do not think we'd be allowed to have sentiments such as this. It was not needed. We worked and completed our tasks. We would come home and pretend to put on a smile for our siblings before they headed out shortly after. We never saw them for long, and it was worrying us that we'd be forgotten at some point. It was strange. We had individuals that were genuinely happy to see us, instead of running away or freezing in place when they met our gaze."

"This is what we wanted though, right? We wanted people to look at us, tell us that we did a fine job, and eventually, we could at least rest properly without some of the voices taking over... He never taught us to actually strive for happiness or He never properly given us a reason why we should be doing what we did..."

The cold air rushes in from the outside, but aside from the dryness that came with it, nothing else happened.

"Was that why you cast me out then?"

...

"I spent eleven years clawing for the light, and it would never come. What is it then? We should only care for our own. Is that reason enough? Who are these others that we should be caring about? We don't need a reason to do what we have to do. He taught us that---"

"---He taught us that we don't need a reason to think about who he sent us after... He taught us that we were just tools... but our mistake was that we had hope... We had a hope that he would look us directly in the eye, and tell us that he was proud of us..."

"That day never really did come, now did it? He looked into our eyes for the first time when we died. We had some hope that he would somehow spare us, but what happened was that we had to watch ourself suffer due to our choices. You were maybe right. Maybe I knew he never cared in the first place. Maybe he did use the sentimentality within us to manipulate us. He raised us to have no weaknesses, and that ironically gave us one that he made sure to use every chance he gets. We were fools."

"I know what we felt... Twenty-four years spent chasing after something that would never come... Twenty-four years of life spent and wasted... Twenty-four years wasted and sundered from memory... Eleven years coping with the aftermath and searching for a purpose... Finally, I met your again... My shadow that walks beside me... It felt off without you... I missed you dearly... despite the harsh memories we had in the past... But we are right now in a better place... We have Locheid and Illya here with us..."

"We have comrades who would go out of their way to break the laws of the world to get us back... Someone as expendable as us... We admit that... It is strange... but... what do we--- Huh... Fallen asleep already. Very well then. Pleasant dreams. I will hopefully talk to you again in the morning."